The Gambler

If You're Gonna Play The Game, You Gotta Learn To Play It Right

Genevieve says to me a few weeks ago, "Listen if you're going to try to play these games, you might want to think about winning." Hahaha. Profound. Why had I never thought about that?

I'm so bad at dating that I approved a friend request on facebook from a girl who was also dating the guy that I was dating/seeing/not really sleeping with/liked/loved/hated. And the reason that she met me is because he introduced us when they were on a date!! Nice. I really couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. So, yes, she friend requested me. I approved, mostly because I wanted to see if she was as cute as I remembered. A little facebook stalking revealed what my friends had been lying to me about. She, indeed, was cute and Rory (by the way, Rory is a fictitious name that my friend chose - don't blame me that it's lame and sounds like a dude's name) hesitantly admitted the cuteness of "strangest friend request ever." My saving grace and dear god, this is a huge saving grace, is that "strangest friend request ever" is straight up nine years younger than me. So, despite my insecurities and minor jealousies, which by the way, I have been working on for five solid years (my exboyfriend would be proud), I have to remember that I am still in the same league as a cute 21 year old. HUGE. HUGE. HUGE. As I lay in bed contemplating life, I often remember that fact and may do so for the rest of my life. Who knows? If this yoga and wrinkle cream works as well as speculated, I could remain in competition with the 20 nothing year olds well past cougar status. Watch out little girls, there is a puma on the prowl and she's all about breaking the age barrier.

I may need to keep dating younger men, so they just automatically think I'm good at dating. The worst is texting. I have decided that I cannot get dating advice from people who found their soulmate before texting. It's a whole different world. When to text, when not to text; it's a lot to think about. Genevieve advises me constantly "Okay, he's texted you once today, drop it, let him text you again tomorrow, be the winner that you are." "Yeah, but I really want to tell him this funny thing that absolutely cannot under any circumstance wait til tomorrow." "So, you are going to text him three times in a row?" Yeah. Hmmm. And although I know how to look really cool, my brain and my heart have something against me: they want me to look like the nerdiest loser ever.

Kenny Rogers please personally serenade me, "if you're gonna play the game, you gotta learn to play it right." Kenny, I desperately need you - I will be your Daniel-san. I need to "learn when to walk away and when to run." Learn when not to text and when to text. Oh and is wearing your heart on your sleeve the opposite of your recommendation of "not counting your money at the table?" Because if it is, Kenny, I have NO chance. NONE. I have a better chance of being accepted into a convent than I do at surviving the dating world which is scary and sadly true. Look out nuns, Pasha is in the house. I met someone amazing recently and I told Isabel about it and she said "Oh God, you're going to screw this up." Really?? That's how bad I am. Not only do my unsingle friends not want to live vicariously through me, but they think it's painful to be me. Ouch.

I just have to remember that "counting my money at the table" will let love and hopefully the "ace" flow on in. No matter what happens, no matter what experiences occur, keep your hearts open. We close because we think we are protecting, because we've had our hearts broken, because we've seen our parents. Our hearts will endure and we will triumph in the end. It may seem scary but do it; however, with my track record, you may be better off with good old Kenny Rogers' advice.

My belief comes from the amazing female writer, George Sand, "there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." Or to look like a dating dork and have your friends make fun of you endlessly.
Playing the game wrong since 1994,
~P. Roxy