The Gambler

If You're Gonna Play The Game, You Gotta Learn To Play It Right

Genevieve says to me a few weeks ago, "Listen if you're going to try to play these games, you might want to think about winning." Hahaha. Profound. Why had I never thought about that?

I'm so bad at dating that I approved a friend request on facebook from a girl who was also dating the guy that I was dating/seeing/not really sleeping with/liked/loved/hated. And the reason that she met me is because he introduced us when they were on a date!! Nice. I really couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. So, yes, she friend requested me. I approved, mostly because I wanted to see if she was as cute as I remembered. A little facebook stalking revealed what my friends had been lying to me about. She, indeed, was cute and Rory (by the way, Rory is a fictitious name that my friend chose - don't blame me that it's lame and sounds like a dude's name) hesitantly admitted the cuteness of "strangest friend request ever." My saving grace and dear god, this is a huge saving grace, is that "strangest friend request ever" is straight up nine years younger than me. So, despite my insecurities and minor jealousies, which by the way, I have been working on for five solid years (my exboyfriend would be proud), I have to remember that I am still in the same league as a cute 21 year old. HUGE. HUGE. HUGE. As I lay in bed contemplating life, I often remember that fact and may do so for the rest of my life. Who knows? If this yoga and wrinkle cream works as well as speculated, I could remain in competition with the 20 nothing year olds well past cougar status. Watch out little girls, there is a puma on the prowl and she's all about breaking the age barrier.

I may need to keep dating younger men, so they just automatically think I'm good at dating. The worst is texting. I have decided that I cannot get dating advice from people who found their soulmate before texting. It's a whole different world. When to text, when not to text; it's a lot to think about. Genevieve advises me constantly "Okay, he's texted you once today, drop it, let him text you again tomorrow, be the winner that you are." "Yeah, but I really want to tell him this funny thing that absolutely cannot under any circumstance wait til tomorrow." "So, you are going to text him three times in a row?" Yeah. Hmmm. And although I know how to look really cool, my brain and my heart have something against me: they want me to look like the nerdiest loser ever.

Kenny Rogers please personally serenade me, "if you're gonna play the game, you gotta learn to play it right." Kenny, I desperately need you - I will be your Daniel-san. I need to "learn when to walk away and when to run." Learn when not to text and when to text. Oh and is wearing your heart on your sleeve the opposite of your recommendation of "not counting your money at the table?" Because if it is, Kenny, I have NO chance. NONE. I have a better chance of being accepted into a convent than I do at surviving the dating world which is scary and sadly true. Look out nuns, Pasha is in the house. I met someone amazing recently and I told Isabel about it and she said "Oh God, you're going to screw this up." Really?? That's how bad I am. Not only do my unsingle friends not want to live vicariously through me, but they think it's painful to be me. Ouch.

I just have to remember that "counting my money at the table" will let love and hopefully the "ace" flow on in. No matter what happens, no matter what experiences occur, keep your hearts open. We close because we think we are protecting, because we've had our hearts broken, because we've seen our parents. Our hearts will endure and we will triumph in the end. It may seem scary but do it; however, with my track record, you may be better off with good old Kenny Rogers' advice.

My belief comes from the amazing female writer, George Sand, "there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." Or to look like a dating dork and have your friends make fun of you endlessly.
Playing the game wrong since 1994,
~P. Roxy

I'll Never Love Again

"I'lI Never Love Again" Hand's down one of the world's greatest break up quotes by my friend Isabel that now, years later, we totally make fun of her about. This line epitomizes about a year of a break up disaster. Her ex boyfriend treated her like crap. If you treat my friend like she's your least favorite shoes, I will take you down.
So, back to "I'll Never Love Again" girl, she now has a fabulous boyfriend that most single women covet, including yours truly.
It's so easy for us to get sucked into the drama of a break up. This drama of hers wreaked havoc on our lives. It ruined many what could have been amazing Market St Grille brunches, wasted with tears over Asperger. Ew. Not only the brunches, but the 2am crying phone calls. I think I gained a wrinkle during that time. The wrinkle created by this break up needed to be eradicated immediately. I bought the most expensive "wrinkle not" cream. Isabel, I think you should pay for it. I'm almost 30, a youthful face is imperative for maintaining my puma status.
Recently, I found myself falling for the 24 year old. Yes, my friends called me the phony blog writer for going back after swearing "never going back again."
As I finally ended it with 24, I thought I might never find anyone as interesting, adorable and lovable as him and then I remembered Isabel's line "I'll Never Love Again" and brought to mind her awesome, loving, new boyfriend and thought "yeah, I'll be fine."
To all you beautiful people who need to end it, but fear you'll "Never Love Again," you will and it'll be even better. Remember, "It Must've Been Love", but it sure as hell is over now.
To quote Tom Petty, "It's time to move on. Time to get going. What lies ahead I have no way of knowing. Under my feet, baby, grass is growing. Time to move on. Time to get going." To letting go and starting fresh.
Happy Spring,
~P. Roxy

Can Anybody Find Me Somebody To Love??

Queen put it so succinctly when they sang "Can anybody find me somebody to love?" Their emphasis on those seven words connects us clearly to that deep longing. "Oh Lord. Somebody, somebody. Can anybody find meeeee somebody toooooo looooove?"

Finding love, finding a partner, finding a soulmate can feel like an uphill battle. Almost as as painful as paying off a christmas credit card bill. Call me the modern day Erin Brockovich, except my fight is for love, for partnership, for a soulmate and I won't settle. After writing down the qualities that I am looking for in a partner and realizing that 27 might be a bit much, I looked inward. Do I even possess these qualities? Then, I remembered during my last break up, my very soon to be ex-boyfriend declaring "So, you want to date yourself?" Holy hell. Was he right? Am I that fabulous? Maybe Jackie's dad's words "Don't settle" have become too cemented in my brain. He was drunk and he did say it about a hundred times. Wow, I didn't realize "don't settle" was such a powerful sanskrit mantra.

As if hearing from my family members every time I see them "are you dating someone?" wasn't downright stressful enough, add in living with my family members - my parents. The high point of my life came when my father, in his Indian accent, called me out and claimed "you are no spring chicken." Now say it to yourself in an Indian accent. Yes, it does sound worse because it sounds true. OUCH!! Yeah dad, by the way, that's because you totally cock block me. I adored one guy; one evening he so sweetly came in to meet my parents - the important word here is meet, that means first time ever. Ohhhh, I learned my lesson. "Dad, this is John, John this is my dad." "Oh hey John, great to meet you, can't wait to meet your parents." Screech. Yes, the record stopped. LOUDLY. Umm, yeah, that was the last time he met my parents. Now, I tell men who so kindly pick me up at my parents' that I'll come out to meet them - down the street!

The best is when I walk in to my parents' in the morning. My mom asks "Where were you?" "Oh I slept at Rory's" "Oh you sleep there a lot, doesn't her boyfriend care?" Another one of her famous lines besides "You are too picky" is "When are you going to find someone?" AHHHHH. I don't know Mom maybe when they make men as cool as me, sooo probably not anytime soon.

Brett Dennen said it best, "Follow your heart and you won't get lost." I have made a vow to follow my heart, to find someone who "completes me" in the fullest sense of the word, to not settle.

May all you goddesses live from your heart, follow your truth, and always remember you won't get lost. And embodying the spirit of Cleopatra, don't settle. Wait for your Mark Antony; he'll be worth it.
Oh, and if you find me somebody to love, call me.
~P. Roxy

Puma Power

Coming into your power as a woman is like navigating a foreign land. At times, this strange terrain seems fun, mysterious, exciting, with thoughts about what cool epiphany will be revealed next, what situation will I so smoothly use my new found jedi mind tricks to master. Other times, this new level of awareness is as apparent and annoying as the abrasive American in France rhetorically asking "doesn't anyone here speak English?"
This new sense of power won't let me stalk and totally stage five cling to the 24 year old I met at Starbuck's. It did take me defriending him on facebook and erasing him from my contacts to ensure I maintain my puma power. If I could have pulled an "eternal sunshine of a spotless mind," I would have. Whatever it takes to maintain my "reputation" as one West Chester socialite put it.
So, this new sense of self wavers from time to time, i.e. I erased and added 24 year old back into my contacts about three times. Yesterday, I woke up to "Never Going Back Again" by Fleetwood Mac. Make this song your break up anthem (or for me it's more like "we were never together, but I liked you and you didn't like me and I can't stop reading your facebook page" anthem). Anyway, this song is the equivalent to "It's a Break Up Cause It's Broken." The way Stevie Nicks (played with Lindsay Buckingham) so emphatically sings "...been down one time, been down two times, never going back again," one can truly believe she is never going back again. Although I think her decisiveness may be connected to those 19th century corset dresses she wears. They have cut off all circulation to her heart. She probably can't feel anymore and that's why it's easy for her. Hmmm, maybe I should start wearing them.
I remember in college I was in love with someone who (very sadly for him - he missed out) was the inspiration for Greg Behrendt to write for me personally "He's Just Not That Into You." In one Bridget Jones' type journal entry I wrote "I'm quitting Jarod and I'm quitting smoking" In very un-puma power fashion and even more un-Stevie Nicks type way, my next entry read, "So, I talked to Jarod and I smoked five cigs." Luckily, those days are long gone. Okay fine, sometimes it's like yesterday.
Well here's to "Never Going Back Again." May all you goddesses find that power within, that power that speaks to your heart, that so boldy declares your life will be guided by truth and love and of course filled with hot men who recognize that. Embrace your power.
Puma Power Foreva,
~P. Roxy